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Saturday, October 1, 2005
Dispatch from squad 31. . .
> Go ahead 31.
Dispatch from squad 31 I have shots fired in my area I need PD here now!
> 31 PD has been notified are you in your squad?
Dispatch from 31, negative I am in the patients residence and we will hold up here until arrival of PD.
> 31. . .
That was about the jist of the radio traffic this morning on the north side. I could see the muzzle flash from the gun fire reflected off the apartment across the way. Thats how close it was. Then the stupid boyfriend still wanted us to bring his useless partner to the ambulance right after the shooting. Like I am going to risk my life for you worthless MOs. I thought they shot at our squad but no bullet holes were found. PD never showed up and we had to run like hell to get her in the rig and out of there.
Another Friday night on the North side. . .
Current mood:  tired
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Well it finally happened, we had a MO in the Grove. For those of you who aren't versed in Milwaukee EMS slang MO stands for "Mental Observation". . . nuff said.
This woman, who is on welfare, was out shopping at the Brookfield Mall. She took the buss all the way from Milwaukee's North Side (aka Ghetto Land: The 'darkest place on earth'). Its pouring down rain and the lady has shortness of breath due to walking to the bus stop with her 300 pound ass. Not to mention she has been diagnosed with asthma but is not on meds for it cause she stopped seeing her doctor (apparently the steady supply of Paxil and Geritol haven't stopped though). So now her breathing is back to normal but she still wants to go to the hospital. Why you ask. . . Because the buses have stopped running in the area and if we take her to Froedtert Hospital she can catch a bus back home. *Load revolver. Cock Hammer. Bring to my head. Pull trigger. Make hurting stop.* So we took her the to Elmbrook hospital as far away from buses as we could get. . . HAHAHA!! Its a victory for the good guys, Pyhrric, but a victory still.
. . . And now for something completely different. . .
Got a phone call today from a disturbed individual whom I have had prior dealings with in an emotional way (no its not my girlfriend and yes she knows)! Any who, I got a call from her today and I mistakenly picked up and of course it turned into a total recall of all the feelings I had for this person, good and bad, all back again. Why did I have to pick up? This is why I was ignoring her in the first freaking place! I felt sick after the conversation and I still do. Where does she get off??? My problem, from what I have been told, is that I'm too nice. I think there may be something to that. Perhaps its time to harden the heart a little. I hate too say that. Why should I have to become more of an ass because this person turned out to be a selfish, self-centered nut job? Thats most of the reason I'm writing today, I need to keep occupied or else my emotions are going to keep building and eventually something will snap. I wish she were gone. Just vanished into thin air. My life would de-stress by about 300%. *Load revolver. Cock hammer. Bring to. . . oh wait maybe I shouldn't allude to homicide here* (hehe)
Worst of all this whole issue is related to work as this person is employed by my company and is on a shift opposite mine. She has been there for only a few months and after a few flashes to some key people (and yes I mean like actually "flashing" them) and a lap dance to an ops director has managed to get an award for great performance or something like that. . . I have been there since February and with the exception of 3 missed shifts due to illness have ALWAYS been there to work early and have never done anything to injure the company or its reputation. She has been on workers comp TWICE in a row for back injuries! I suppose I just don't have the proper chromosomes for the company. . .
I am looking for a way out. I am done with private EMS forever, I hate it all so much. The red tape, the bureaucracy, and the bullshit. In a real department you can flash the Chief all you want but if you cant haul that pack of 150' of 1 3/4" hose up 5 floors, your done. Your a liability and your not meant to be in the field. I just cant take it anymore. I think I've been here already so I'll cut this part short. Just know this, Wauwatosa, Town of Brookfield, Manitowoc, and Milwaukee are all supposed to hire soon. If I am blessed enough to be given that gift of a full or even part time Fire job, be advised I'M GONE!!!
Do not rejoice over me my enemy! Tho I have fallen I will stand up. Tho I sit in darkness the LORD will be my light.
Micah 7:8
Current mood:  aggravated
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Wisconsin: 14
UNC: 5
GO BADGERS!!!!
Current mood:  ecstatic
Friday, September 16, 2005
A roach crawled in her ear. . . A roach crawled in her ear. . . A ROACH CRAWLED IN HER EAR!!!!
Ok you can bleed all over me, vomit up your spleen after a major bender, leave your brain half on the pavement for me to pick up but for Gods sake fumigate your damn house!! Ugh. . . Yes ladies and gentlemen my 4 am call last night was for an 18 year old girl on the North side who while laying in bed had a cockroach crawl into her ear canal. That is the freakiest thing I have ever seen, heard, or imagined ever. She could even feel it moving around inside her ear. . . ugh. . . We tried to shine our lights in there to see if we could grab it with some forceps but it was so deep down we couldn't even see it. She was screaming and who could blame her. I think I'm gonna sleep with ear plugs in from now on.
I'm sorry but thats disturbing.
Current mood:  sick
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
I find myself waking up later and later. I am beginning to feel as if I care for nothing. I have done nothing these past two days I have been off and I had no motivation to. I wonder why I am feeling so low? What should cause this sort of depression? I am healthy, I am working, nothing aweful has yet to be thrown my way, yet I find myself becoming increasingly distant from life. I have already resigned myself to being a shut-in. I have no close friends here and I have done little outside my room but venture out to a job I hate and to a fire department I love but have yet to be allowed to respond with. Wauwatosa is accepting applications and I am qualified but I need my CPAT before November, I dont know why but I have now resigned myself to the fact that I will miss it. . . I have not called to see if there are still openings available at the test sites but I already think there will not be. Everyone, including those already on Wauwatosa, have said this is the list to be on as they will be using it for some time. Perhaps that could be a source of my apathy and unusually dark feelings.
I am going no-where and every day is the same as the last. I am 22, I will be 23 in three months. I live with my mother and work at a job I hate. I have no friends besides some at work who are just that- friends at work. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I have very little confidence right now, I am afraid to take that CPAT because I am afraid of failing. . . again. I have taken 3 physical tests in my time and have failed all of them. I have fallen out and embarrased myself in front of many a fellow firefighter. I have even once been told I was a liability by one of my officers. I am scared but I am numb. How is that possible? I wonder now if I will ever achieve my dream, or will I go on into other things that I will hate as well, knowing that what I want is unattainable? Could I live like that?
I have heard from people today that it could be worse. . . It can always be worse, but how does that help me? Tell a bum in the street living in a card board box that is being soaked through by the driving rain "hey it could be worse" and you would be right, but what would it matter? Sure he could have his leg severed by the next train he hops or be beaten senseless the next time he begs for a few coins, but does your statement make him any better off? I can always be worse, the real question is, "When will it get better?" Next time you tell a friend that who is in a bad way you should choke on your beer, suffer irreversible brain damage and lose your ability to take care of yourself and then have the nursing home CNA say, "It could be worse." See how you deal with that, cause its true you could be a complete vegetable or better yet, dead, and stood up before the Great White Throne and judged and sentenced to eternity in hell. That cursed phrase would make your blood boil, I know it can be worse but when will it be better?
What is our destiny? Will we rise up and see glory here and in the afterlife? Or will we remain in this dark corner of the world and tremble at the Pale Rider as he bears down on us, the lost souls, with that hell that follows with him?
Perhaps I have gone too deep into these dark waters for tonight. Perhaps the sun will rise more brilliantly than ever over the city tomorrow. Perhaps I will be lifted up by some chance meeting of His perfect plan and my faulted one. We shall see tomorrow.
Current mood:  apathetic
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Well sho-nuff yesterday sucked... The morning was decent we were out on calls but it was fairly quiet none the less. Then around 11 the discharges started and the IFTs started and the city woke up and next thing you know I'm knee deep in the discharge rotation, thats all I did till about 1800. I hate D/Cs and IFTs, sure they are easy but thats why I hate them, its all mindless bullshit. "Ok get the paperwork from the nurses' station; then write down the demos, Hx and meds; then load and transport to the nursing home or dialysis or their doc's appt.; have the tech finish the rest in back along with a quick set of vitals; drop em off get a signiture and leave for the next one." I hate being in that loop, I didn't run a 911 call till around 1600 I think and boy was that guy a winner... The engine co. requests for the diabetic, we get there this guys puking and the engine boss is giving me the 'he's a frequent flyer' wink, he has an ID tag form Sinai from yesterday when he was last there. The guy is an ass, hes 2 blocks from Sinai hospital but wants to go to Froedtert which is another 8 miles out of the way cause they give him bus fare... Hello dumbass if you go to the one 2 blocks away you wont need bus fare CAUSE YOU CAN F***ING WALK!!!!! So we convince him to go to Sinai and the ER staff begin their assesment and I ask him to give me his 'entitlement' card so I can copy it. He tells me he doesnt have title 19 (state aid) after first telling me he did, I say, "Do you have it or not?" he grins and says "No Im not tellin you, now how you gonna get paid?" I reply "Hey your just gonna get the bill for the transport." and leave. Secretly I think, "Sweet at least I wont have to pay for his ride w/ my taxes. . . Dumbass." I later find out he was admitted for a blood sugar of around 390 and a temp of 102, apparently he really was sick but fire, sinai, and myself figured he was just an ass. . . I guess it doesn't pay too cry wolf.
We get to station 3 around 1900 and we get to rest for an hour until DIPspatch realizes that my partner is off at 2000 at station 2 so we return to our own quarters and get her out and my new partner in and thats when the fun starts. . . The radio lights up and we are all going non-stop even the 2 ALS buses are out running calls. Next thing I know I get a call from DIPspatch and I am informed that I am car-9 meaning I get to go around an collect everyones run sheets for the day from their respective stations, instaed of sleeping. So I do and we get almost all of them in before about 0300. At about 0200 or so some lower life form decides he wants to jump off the I794 bridge (about a 200' drop onto the docks) so I have to go sit at the end of the bridge for an hour to see if FD wants us there. They don't and we leave, again without sleeping. The rest of the night was more discharges from St. Lukes hospital and one emergency call to a nursing home for a busted hip status post a fall, Wisconsin doesn't allow nursing homes to have railings on the beds cause its considered restraints, big surprise when granny rolls out and pops a hip on the floor. . . Stupid state. I went without sleep all night and I mean absolutely NO sleep for a straight 27 hours. . . Keep in mind I was working on about 4 hours or less sleep before coming in. 25 calls after midnight was what the CAD had recorded for only about 5 squads on overnight. I think I ran 6 or 7 of them. Clocked out at 0700, went and had coffee with Brad one of our Meds, he's a great guy and one of the reasons I'm sorry I'm leaving red shift but blue shift needs crew chiefs and the Ops Director asked me personally if I could help so I will. Brad's a brother firefighter/paramedic on Delafield and its nice to just sit and bullshit about the crappy nights with a brother in battle after we can escape the insanity.
I start blue shift tomorrow at 0700, only 24 hours off between this last shift and my next instead of 48, thats gonna kill me but oh well. . . I suppose it comes with the job. The packer game is on, I love that team but somehow I don't feel like cheering, I just want to be quiet for a little while. I'll watch it though because I love em, maybe I can escape in the game.
I applied for a firefighter position in North Carolina. Its on a Marine Corps Station at Cherry Point. I honestly don't want to leave anyone behind if I get the job, and I want a big city position anyway. I want to fight fires and the big cities are where that happens not on a Marine Base. I hope Milwaukee sends out interest cards soon. . .
Detroit just got the first first-down of the game, I'm really not interested. Well I guess I'll watch anyway.
Hope tomorrow goes better, at least a couple hours sleep after midnight would be nice.
Packers just got a sack, I feel proud of them. Think I'll end this one or else I'll start writing a philosophy article based on the life of an EMT in the city. . .
CALL THE BOX!!
Current mood: tired
Friday, September 9, 2005
Well this is the last day of my kelly, back to the old Bell tomorrow. Back to people who flash their "entitlement" card and expect transport to the hospital of THEIR choice cause they have had abdominal pain for the last 2 hours. For gods sake take a mylanta and quit wasting my fricken brain cells you low life piece of protoplasm! If your god damn house wasn't crawling with roaches and silverfish and small antelope then maybe you wouldn't be fricken sick!! Here's your free "cabulance" ride on my tax bill asshole. I hope we flip the rig en route and your not buckled into the cot. . . I love my job cant you tell? Oh well only three shifts and I get another kelly, I guess I can live with that.
On call tonight with Elm Grove's Ambulance, maybe Brookfield will light one up again and we can go play at the fire scene (you have to live for the small things)"CALL THE BOX!" I am supposed to be filling out this application to paramedic academy but I think subconsciously I am afraid too. I am afraid that if I get a job on an FD as a medic I'll have to ride the bus the rest of my career and that just simply sucks. Put me on the aerial on the roof with a pike pole, axe and/or saw or even on the pipe in the deepest, darkest, hottest part of the fire but don't make me take the assholes to the hospital anymore, I wanna break stuff not push meds. I would much rather eat smoke and ash and soot then have to take abuse from a drunk on a protective custody order. Thats what firefighting is all about anyway.
Got some new reading today "Report From Engine Co. 82." So far I'm 50 pages and 4 chapters in and its great.
CALL THE BOX!!!
Current mood: apathetic
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
I learned today that a brother in EMS died yesterday. While I only knew him through what my friends told me of him, it is no less sad when we lose one of our own. . . My most heartfelt condolences to the ones he leaves behind. He will be remembered.
Godspeed.
Sound the bell "in quarters" another brother has returned home.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Ok so this is Bollar's first entry just to establish my existence. More to follow. . .
Current mood:  weird
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